HOW TO BUILD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS?

I feel tired when I’m with you. It’s good for both of us to be apart.

I believe that in the experience of several failed love partners, this sentence must not feel strange.

“I’m tired.”

These three words are often used as a reason to break up, feel tired when together, what is the specific concept of this tired and why this tired will make people want to give up a day and night accompany or have a heart to love people. When we meet the person we like and fall in love with each other, it may be a moment, or a few days and months, but when two people establish a close relationship, we have to think about how to maintain the love. Getting along is a process of two people getting to know, grinding in and gradually accepting each other, and perhaps also a process of gradually separating.

Intimate relationship

Intimate relationship is a branch of psychology that refers to a harmonious relationship between two people of all ages, regardless of gender. Today it mostly refers to a relationship formed between partners. A close relationship can also refer to a special friend, someone who trusts the other person enough to speak from the heart.

How to build an intimate relationship should be considered from the perspective of both parties, which may be the topic of our lifetime; The premise of a healthy, healthy relationship is that we are healthy people, physically and mentally.

PART1:Self-identification

The word “identification” in modern psychology, first proposed by Freud, refers to the process of emotional and psychological convergence between individuals and others, groups or imitation figures, and is the initial form of expression of emotional connection between individuals and individuals. Self-identity, in short, is to be able to view oneself and the outside world rationally, and to gradually feel self-worth and social recognition and affirmation in life experience. In my own sense of identity, I will constantly consolidate my self-esteem and confidence through practice. I will not blindly pander to or submit to others. I will have a sense of identity with myself and what I have done.

To build a healthy and stable relationship, your healthy self comes first. k has a very good friend who is excellent and has a very outstanding appearance. However, the person she finds is not as good as her own in both subjective and objective conditions. However, k’s friend still occasionally feels inferior and unworthy of her. That’s a sign of poor self-identity, not having a good self-identity. In an intimate relationship, the first step is to recognize your right and worth to be loved, to accept yourself and forgive yourself. Each of us is born and raised, regardless of whether we are good or beautiful by social standards, without affecting our right to be loved and to believe that we are worthy of love.

“Love yourself, then love your neighbor.” We often say that this is based on self-identity, in the process of dealing with self-identity is also to build a foundation for getting along with others, first learn to love yourself, to love others better.

PART2:learn to accept

Many people may inquire about how to build a healthy relationship and often mention the need for communication; Sure, communication is important, but if you don’t accept it in the process of communication, it’s ineffective communication.

Hellinger, a German family therapist, said, When we give, we feel entitled, and when we receive, we feel obligated.

If you give and don’t receive in an intimate relationship, there will be a feeling of acceptance, and you will feel that you are absolutely clear in the relationship, in order to achieve the purpose of protecting yourself. This sense of innocence is kind and selfless, as if taking the moral high ground, but it is also selfish. In this relationship, not accepting the other person’s good, leaving the other person in a relatively empty sense of guilt, the emotional scale has been tipped. The tilted scales are not only the other person’s inner thoughts, but also your inner thoughts, “Why am I giving and not seeing the other person’s giving and return?” In fact, it is their inability to accept the giving from others that makes them feel guilty.

To achieve deep intimacy, you need to express your true needs in the relationship and learn to accept and be comfortable with the guilt and guilt flow that comes from accepting other people’s good times. The reason why we feel guilty and guilty is that suppressing our own needs has become the norm, and suddenly someone “sends warmth”, but feel we can’t accept it. When you accept the other person’s good and gradually feel less pressure, this is the beginning of the intimate relationship can go deeper.

Self-identification and learning to accept these two things go hand in hand. Only when there is a certain degree of self-identity can one counter the guilt and guilt of “receiving love from others”, and then transmit love and let love enter into the relationship.